as the older child growing up, i always hated hearing this phrase "let your younger brother have it". while it was probably often said with good intentions by teachers, caregivers so forth, in my immature mind, it gave me a sense of bitterness having to be the older child. i don't remember my parents saying it though. my mum's way was: "go fight it out yourselves" (we are a year apart only).
anyway recently over dinner, titus suddenly said that we should never say this to our firstborn son. that regardless of birth order, they would all learn to share and serve each other.
it reminded me of my niece and nephews over chinese new year. the girl, being the oldest, was always the fastest to grasp whatever game we were playing and would always get the toy first. when the younger ones wanted to have their turn and she didn't want to let go, i had to tell her to let them have it. it sounded a lot like "let your younger brother have it" and i could see the frustration in her face. but now through the lens of the "rule giver", it was clear to me that i said it because she was simply the fastest and hoarding it all. and maybe that was me as a child as well.
and i think that's what makes all the difference. how we say it and making sure that our children understand the perspective by explaining it to them. in this case, that it's not about giving in to the younger, but about learning to share.
nevertheless, if my children's age gap isn't too wide, i might just adopt my mother's style of letting them fight it out themselves once in awhile ;)
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