when my photographer asked me if there were any photos and style i wanted to capture during the morning gatecrash, i told him i wanted to capture the "golden morning", and have some shots of me, my sisters and my family in my room.
i had forgotten all about it until he presented the photos to us. and i'd like to share this series (as a first part). if there's a set of photos from my wedding day that means so much to me, it's this. because it carries the most memories.
we moved into this house when i was 17. this room was my little haven through my teen-to-young adult years. secretly, i called the room "the holy place" and the attached bathroom "the holies of holies". the room was where i would cry if i didn't mind being walked in on. the bathroom was where i would cry if i didn't want anyone to know. it worked well except that i had such an open book personality that everyone would know anyway, by my puffy eyes or sullen demeanour.
for all those years, i loved hiding in my precious "holy place", day-dreaming and journaling about what i thought about relationships, the kind of man i wanted to have, gushing about the various crushes to the Lord and having Him fill me with promises or telling me "no-go" ever so often. the single life was so precious, being able to have so much time to focus on building a vibrant and intimate relationship with the Lord. i look back with no regrets at all.
my family had a funny habit of all congregating in someone's room to do our individual things (like my mum would read, my dad would play sudoku). they usually came to mine since i was always the first to disappear. the room was a great place of conversations with my mum, who would wake me up every morning, pray over me, and be my voice of reason; and my kindred spirited brother, who would talk as long as a boy could hold out (3 hours max). i will also never forget the day when life had hurt so badly, my dad found me coming out of the toilet, and like never before, hugged me while i poured out my little heart in tears.
i never cried about boys (having never been that close to any guy), but i would cry over failed friendships. my brother would ask me why bother with those friends when the few friends i had were worth millions. one of them was my best friend through the season, Denise, who would stay over often. we had a record 8 hour conversation (the rest were not much shorter), and when she wasn't with me, we would talk on the phone for hours. i would tell her about the crushes and her listening always made me come to a place of conviction regarding anything. God also brought so many beautiful and authentic friendships along my way. Girls who really loved me.
then of course, Titus came along and we rejoiced together.
you know, there are tons of articles debating the various views on single-hood, dating, courtship and the works. people take something, believe it, then slam it when it hasn't work.
it's important to remember that it's not about the method or what we believe. i woke up one night after tossing around for quite long on this topic, wrote this note and stuck it to my wall "it's not about seeking principles, but about seeking the principle thing - that is Jesus". as cliche as this sounds for any single person out there, even the happiest marriage does not satisfy like how the Lord can when your soul and His word intertwine. and i've found that the depth of a relationship with Him really shows me how to truly have blessed relationships with others.
most of us will be married one day, and the best part is this: looking back and thanking God that life had been so fulfilling and rich all this while; being present and enjoying the day's celebrations with everyone who loves you; and looking forward with excitement for the days to come having no regrets.
enjoy the photos!
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