pregnancy emotions captured in e-cards

the return of the ---zilla series. from bridezilla to pregzilla, where there are more legitimate excuses for one's crazy emotions. 

yes pregnancy can be rough. call me weird but i really enjoy the humour i get out of difficult times. it just makes all the challenges feel less bad and memorable in a positive way.

so here are some of the emotions i can totally identify with as a pregnant woman and i may have said some of them haha. please excuse me if you find some of them rude.. just having some fun! 

second trimester like a journey of faith

the second trimester is usually a good one. nausea and other early symptoms start fading away and the baby is still small and light within. for me, my energy started going back up for the early part of it then the strangest thing happened.

it felt like i wasn't pregnant at all! it was too early to feel the baby kicks and there were no more lingering signs except ultrasound images from that last scan a month ago.  it was such a torture to wait 4 weeks each time to catch a grainy glimpse of my baby boy. and during each of the four weeks, it felt again like the journey of faith.

when the wedding toast was too effective

and what the early part of pregnancy was like...

i have seen many brides cringe when the emcee calls out the third wedding blessing "早生贵子" (translate: to having children early) and the bridal party puts a bit toooo much effort into shouting "YUMMM SENNNNNGGG!!!". i may or may not have cringed myself.

titus and i have always known that we want children, but had in mind to start only a year or two after getting married. so imagine our surprise when we discovered we were expecting just four months into our marriage!

parenting lesson #1

as the older child growing up, i always hated hearing this phrase "let your younger brother have it".  while it was probably often said with good intentions by teachers, caregivers so forth, in my immature mind, it gave me a sense of bitterness having to be the older child. i don't remember my parents saying it though. my mum's way was: "go fight it out yourselves" (we are a year apart only).

anyway recently over dinner, titus suddenly said that we should never say this to our firstborn son. that regardless of birth order, they would all learn to share and serve each other.

it reminded me of my niece and nephews over chinese new year. the girl, being the oldest, was always the fastest to grasp whatever game we were playing and would always get the toy first. when the younger ones wanted to have their turn and she didn't want to let go, i had to tell her to let them have it. it sounded a lot like "let your younger brother have it" and i could see the frustration in her face. but now through the lens of the "rule giver", it was clear to me that i said it because she was simply the fastest and hoarding it all. and maybe that was me as a child as well.

and i think that's what makes all the difference. how we say it and making sure that our children understand the perspective by explaining it to them. in this case, that it's not about giving in to the younger, but about learning to share.

nevertheless, if my children's age gap isn't too wide, i might just adopt my mother's style of letting them fight it out themselves once in awhile ;)

the two most important things to handle conflict in marriage, according to charis

if titus understood that, i'm quite sure our marriage would be a lot more perfect ;)

just kidding.

i don't think i really thought carefully enough about how much marriage would change me before stepping into it 11 months ago. it's probably for the best, God said, before putting on the veil. and then titus took it off, kissed me and onward we went, no turning back.

as fun as marriage can be, living together with someone from a completely different background and upbringing is no easy feat. there are things we want done a certain way that the other person just doesn't seem to get. there are times both of us are in a rough mood and you can forget about either of us giving in.

here are the two most important things i've learnt so far when managing conflict (for all relationships but especially marriage):

1. marriage needs great understanding. where it is lacking, have a great sense of humour.

seeing things with a lighter and fun perspective really helps to ease the negative emotions and give space for some reconciliation. not everything is as bad or serious as we think.

2. have short term memory

never helps to keep focusing and reminding each other of one another's faults. that just builds layers of anger, hurt and bitterness. let it go. how? refer to point 1.

there are many external pressures and situations a couple will have to go through together. those things are usually beyond our control. might as well have less internal conflict and allow those situations to build us, i say!

image credit: pinterest

restoring the irreplaceable

there is this friend i love deeply. she's a simple girl and not extremely theological loving. but she asks great questions regarding God's promises and life that sometimes really make me think about what i believe.

just the other night, she asked me this: "what does it mean when God restores? especially when it's loved ones who have passed on?"

it's a very real question especially when it comes to people who are irreplaceable like our parents or grandparents, or a very beloved spouse and child (even if you can find another, it's not the same).

i think restoration for irreplaceable persons (or things) can come in many forms.  i've seen parentless children find parent figures in wonderful loving men and women.  i have fatherless friends who become such amazing parents themselves, with children who are secure and whole.

but i think restoration, and the above examples, come down to this and there is no earthly substitute that can heal a broken, open heart:

Deuteronomy 30:6 (MSG)
God, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart and your children's hearts, freeing you to love God, your God, with your whole heart and soul and live, really live. 

for an irreplaceable loved one, it doesn't mean that we won't think about them anymore. just that there comes a sweet peace and lovely memorial, instead of regret or painful loss.

for broken hearts - being a relational person, i've never felt hurt from much else other than people. i've learnt that sometimes people don't mean to hurt us. many times i was just over-sensitive or sometimes they were just tired and hurting themselves or just so unaware.  it's very sad to observe people hurting themselves and others because of unresolved hurts.  sometimes we think hiding it is enough, but it always seems to come out.

still, even in the nastiest of situations against us, the forgiveness of God flowing in us can really cause us to live free from the hurts and holes in our hearts. and oh how wonderful it is to be free!

let those whom the Son has set free be free indeed. amen x

10 months of married life

end feb.. and we have attended 4 weddings already! the truth is this: i am happier for a couple that has gotten married than one that is getting married.

of course you have to do the latter to get to the "being married".

there are so many perks of marriage compared to dating (assuming the couple isn't living together already).

like the fact that planning of your biggest personal life event is OVER!! no more planning! no more details! i thought i would make a pretty good wedding planner but evidently not.. i am so happy it's over for me.

living together with the person you have committed yourself to also a lot of fun.  it can be heaven and well, sometimes hell, all in one.  who said it had to become boring? no more hours spent travelling to send each other home and you get to really do life together, especially when living without parents. a sense of humour helps make discussions on chores and mundane things, like the limit of sheets of toilet paper per toilet visit, quite funny and less frustrating (these costs add up okay).

having a house to keep is also lots of fun. sure i have interior design background but it is the house keeping that's keeping me on my toes and it has to be done ever so frequently! i think it would shock my family that i can no longer live in too much mess and i prefer washing the dishes myself after cooking (to prevent cross contamination). thankfully titus is very systematic and gives me many "now why didn't i think of that?" solutions to neaten my substandard neatness.

and then you can have babies if you want and we are looking forward to our little babe on the way! I'm enjoying baby prep much more than wedding prep even though i cannot even begin to imagin what parenthood will entail.

so.. 10 months in and i will be first to admit that it hasn't always been easy or smooth sailing. we have had sweet days and days we were so close to murder. but i do look at the things written above and thank God that He carries us through daily. that there are so many fresh lessons all the time.

there are 3 things i've learnt that help to minimise the bad days that i'll write about soon :)

x